What would you think if I told you I was a caterpillar farmer?

I was talking with business coach James S. Huggins [www.JamesSHuggins.com] recently and excitedly told him about my weekend ….inspecting my butterfly weed plants for caterpillars. I found four monarch caterpillars in my back yard, and eight in the side garden. Because these chubby insects were gnawing all the leaves from the plants in the back yard, I very gingerly pulled them and the leaf they were munching on to move them in the side garden where food was plentiful. Then every four hours or so I would go out and check on the plants and the little restaurateurs. I had as many as eight caterpillars ranging in size from 1/4″ to 3″ long. That’s when James called me a caterpillar farmer.

Just because I am a caterpillar farmer doesn’t mean I want caterpillars for harvesting. It means I want caterpillars for butterflies.

It isn’t what I said, it’s what you think you heard.

I recently took an emotional intelligence assessment on-line. It was interesting, as many of them are. I had challenges answering three questions:

I get bored with many activities and hobbies

Now does this mean that I get bored if I have many activities and hobbies underway simultaneously? Or I get bored with a large number of activities and hobbies; in other words, not many activities and hobbies can hold my attention? The ambiguous word here is ‘many’. What number constitutes ‘many’?

I use free time to learn things that might be useful in the future

Here the ambiguous word is not ‘might’, it’s ‘useful’. Useful for what? The future. That is a very broad word. I had someone tell me that in Stephen Covey’s 2 x 2 model [important / not important / urgent / not urgent] that nothing she did was in the not important / not urgent quadrant. Even when she played computer games. She believed that everything she did was important or urgent in some way.

I sometimes tell lies if I have to

Well gee. Does this include me telling a colleague that I don’t care where we go to lunch when I really do? Or that I agree with their decision when I don’t? And how do we quantify ’sometimes’? Aahh that’s the topic for another blog entry….

It isn’t what I read, it’s what I think I read.

According to this Texas author and journalist, Robert Brice, “when adjusted for inflation, a gallon of gas today costs about the same as it did in 1919″

http://www.myfoxhouston.com/myfox/pages/Business/Detail?contentId=6119924&version=2&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=VSTY&pageId=4.1.1

Now isn’t that an interesting perspective!

I recently found out from The O’Reilly Factor about this code. Perhaps many of you already know this. When someone says “Let’s move on” what they really mean is “You got me and I don’t want to talk about this again”.

In the instance Mr. O’Reilly spoke about was political in nature. Think about it in your own work environment …. how many times in meetings does someone say this? Imagine you are in the midst of a discussion, trying to make your point, when the other person says “Let’s move on”. What is your gut or immediate reaction? Many people do not want to move on, they feel they are being brushed aside and they want some sort of validity to their position.

So what do you do when someone says “Let’s move on” to you? Smile and feel confident that, in their own way, they are admitting you are right, or more right than they are, and they are embarrassed by it.

It isn’t what you heard, it’s what they meant.

I came across this headline [above] and my first thought was “save hundreds of what? lives? vehicles? miles? people? jobs? gas? dollars?” Then I watched the short video:

http://www.foxnews.com/video2/player06.html?032308/032308_ff_driving&FOX_Friends&Drive%20differently%20and%20save%20hundreds&acc&US&-1&News&229&&&exp

or go to http://www.foxnews.com/index.html , videos on the lower right hand side and select the above headline.

The gentleman writing on the whiteboard did a very good job of explaining what he meant .. he made this thinking visual. He walked us through the mathematics, step by step, to make understanding easier. He catered to two styles of learning: the visual style [learning by seeing and looking] and the auditory learners [hearing and listening]. If you had paper and pencil and did the math with him, you would be a kinesthetic [touching and doing] learner.

He made his thinking visual to confirm what he said is what we heard.

I am an adjunct faculty member at Mountain State University in their School of Leadership and Professional Development. In one of the Organizational Leadership undergraduate degree courses, a student, Carrie Farquhar, began her response to a discussion question this way:

“….The majority of problems …. stem from not having adequate staff and absenteeism.”

When I first read this, I read it as ‘…problems stem from not having adequate staff and not having adequate absenteeism.’ So if they had more staff, and more absenteeism, the problems would go away?

I really don’t think that’s what she meant, however …..

It isn’t what she wrote, it’s what I thought I read.

According to the International Listening Association, [http://www.listen.org/Templates/home.htm], March is National Listening Month This organization is “…the professional organization whose members are dedicated to learning more about the impact that listening has on all human activity.”

Does listening truly have an impact on the communicator and the listener?

How often do you really listen? Listen as in tuning out all distractions? How often do you turn away from the phone and leave your desk [so you don't hear the "You've Got Mail" indicator], clear your mind and focus fully, 100%, on your listener?

Did you realize that being fully “in the moment” with your listener, although it may take a bit more time on the front end, will save you time and possibly money in the long run? You can also gain loyalty from your staff and family, and a reputation of honesty and fairness from all that know you.

It’s more than simply active listening, it’s being aware of all your communications and their communications. Aahh … fodder for another posting. Until then, I challenge you to, the next time someone wants to talk to you, to put down the laptop, pause or mute the television, move to another area of your office, look the person in the eye [or at their face to avoid staring and making them feel uncomfortable] and give them your undivided attention. Let me know your interesting results!

Remember: It isn’t what they said, it’s what you think you heard.

All the politicians seem to be focused on is ‘change’. Change for America, change the taxes, change the political climate, changes for our health care, and the list can go on and on. Or so I think that’s what they want to change. I have listened to parts of their speeches and I can’t figure out what exact change they want to bring about.

And … change that I believe is good may not be the change they want to bring about. Some people adapt quite easily to change; in fact they look forward to it and embrace it eagerly. Most change I am excited about and willing to try it. Changes occurring to my finances and affecting my family are two that I may not be willing to try. Tell me the change you want to make, tell me how it will affect me, and I will let you know if I am on board with you.

Other people try to strong-arm any shadow of change by becoming paralyzed. These people need a lot of time to think through the change and adapt to it. They also need the time to bring closure to what they are leaving behind. They need to talk about the upcoming changes. They need to know that the majority of people agree with the change. They may also need to know the specifics of the change, not just at the surface level but also several layers deep.

“It’s time for a change” is a typical political campaign phrase. Then they talk in generalities about the change they want to make. Changes in health care? What about the people who have health care … do they want a change? Changes in taxes?

What exactly do they want to change? I don’t want to get into a political debate … there are others who can better debate those issues with you.

Remember: the same word can have many different meanings to as many people. What does ‘change’ mean to you? And what does change mean to your closest friend? or your significant other?

Remember: It isn’t what they said, it’s what we think we heard. Especially when they aren’t making themselves clear. Interpretation … ah that’s a topic for another posting!

I was watching The O’Reilly Factor and caught the segment Body Language featuring Tonya Reiman, author of “The Power of Body Language”. Every Monday evening, Bill O’Reilly has Ms. Reiman on and shows newsclips of well-known people and discusses their body language.

This particular evening featured Brett Favre giving his retirement speech. Ms. Reiman told us that in this instance, Mr. Favre’s body was ‘leaking’ information. Leaking information is slight changes in facial expression or body position that show our emotions. Many of us cannot fully contain our emotions. So our bodies leak information.

If you were to, in an attempt to contain your emotions, do some deep breathing, that activity would show that you are trying to keep your emotions under control. That activity is considered leaking and reveals a piece of information about you.

What information is your body ‘leaking’?

I will usually watch The Beverly Hillbillies on TVLand, Saturday afternoons while I am building my jigsaw puzzle. The earlier ones, the ones in black and white, are better than the ones in color. The earlier ones show how difficult understanding some elements of the American language. For those of you that don’t know, The Beverly Hillbillies [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Beverly_Hillbillies] was a television sitcom that ran from September 1962 to March 1971. The show is about hillbillies moving from Bugtussle to Beverly Hills. They took everything at face value.

One particular episode had Granny making an extra-large batch of tonic for the town. When asked by Jed why she was making so much, she said that, according to the news [around election time], “one party can’t walk and the other one can’t even stand up. The Republicans are saying the Democrats are dragging their feet and the Democrats are saying the Republicans don’t have a leg to stand on.” To that, Jed replied “Come election time, both sides say a lot about each other.” Granny replied, “That’s why I’m not taking any chances. I’m tonic-ing both sides.”

It’s easy to say things that we think our listener understands, not realizing the different ways our words can be interpreted. Even using words such as usually, frequently, sometimes or often can have vastly different meanings for different people. That’s the topic for another posting!

It isn’t what you said, it’s what they think they heard