On May 20, I posted a blog about an interesting conversation I had with David Sanders on Conflict. Seems we should have a face-to-face …. I think we are saying the same thing! Here is his response, and you can decide:

Your take was that some people like conflict while others avoid conflict, both behaviors being identified as “bad.” I will allow that conflict avoidance is typically not positive because someone generally suppresses thoughts or desires to avoid conflict. But, again, inciting conflict is not inherently bad. The reason for the conflict, the way conflict resolution is managed, and the conflict resolution itself are the key points.

My transition team is writing a Statement of Work (SOW) that will lay the foundation for how the Project Management Office (PMO) team will manage the client’s operations going forward. The PMO director does not want to be involved with crafting the SOW, saying that the transition team should do it. I told the account executive to repeat these words to the director: “You will be held accountable for your performance against the SOW. Do you want the opportunity to write the guidelines against which you will be judged?”

Now by doing that, I have just introduced conflict into our team dynamic. I could have let it slide, tossed the SOW to him at the end of transition, and walked away without a care in the world because it is not my job to run the PMO. But I intentionally incited the conflict so that the PMO director will begin to think about how to manage this client effectively post-transition, and to put that vision into the SOW that is still being developed.

Granted, there are people who argue just to argue. My point was that conflict is neutral, even for people who thrive on it, but conflict management is where “good” and “bad” labels can be applied.

It’s not what he said; it’s what I think I heard!

When you procrastinate, or when you think someone else is procrastinating, do you know why they are doing it?

Could it be that the other person doesn’t have enough information to make a decision they feel comfortable with?

I was having this discussion with Lisa and Reggie, two aviation colleagues. Actually they are top-notch dispatchers. I gave this example:

Me: Lisa, I need to be in New York at 3 p.m. What time do I need to leave Houston?

No immediate response from Lisa. Yet she is thinking: Do you have a meeting planned after your arrival? At your hotel or offsite? Location? Manhattan? Newark? Is this a day trip or RON? Answers to these questions determine our course of action.

Me: This is not a difficult question … how long does it take to fly to New York .. 5 hours? So I need tob e here at, what, 0 am? [can’t you feel the frustration on my part?]

No immediate response from Lisa. Her thoughts continue: Where exactly in New York do you need to be? There are several business airports … which one is closest to where you need to be? Time of day … how heavy will the traffic be? What limo company is the most efficient and the most reliable? Which aircraft is available, and how long will it take that plane to fly there? What crew members are not scheduled?

….and her list goes on and on ….. details that she needs to fulfill my request.

Meanwhile I think she doesn’t hear me, doesn’t understand my question, doesn’t want to answer me … and my list goes on and on and on …. I think she’s procrastinating or ignoring me … in reality she doesn’t have enough information from me to give me an accurate answer. Plus she is logically going through her questions to ask them in a progressive order, not happenstance.

Notice what she did: she answered my question with qualifying questions. As a dispatcher, they are not afraid to ask but listening is also the key. Often listening will resolve your questions. How very true!

Remember: It’s not what you think you said, it’s what they think they heard.

How clearly do you think you give directions? I’m not talking about directions to a specific location; I’m talking about giving instructions to someone else so they understand what you want. If you think you are pretty good in doing this, try this activity: sit with your back to a person and give them [do not show them] directions to draw this diagram, or a similar diagram. The only rule is they cannot see what you are telling them to draw.

It’s not as easy as it sounds! Let me know how you did.

Remember, it’s not what you said, it’s what they think they heard!

Continuing my thread of last week: aviation, Captainitis and the pilot ego ….

When you are stressed, how do you react? Do you fall into behaviors that you did years ago? In other words, do you regress? It may be something as simple as immediately rationalizing the situation or mumbling to yourself instead of talking directly to the person. Or it could be something drastic like slamming doors or speaking before thinking.

Or perhaps you have driven a stick shift car for years and years, and now you are driving an automatic. Let’s say you see you will be in an accident. In an effort to slow down, your left foot goes for the clutch and you shift the car into a lower gear. This is a regressive behavior.

Studies have found that pilots, when encountering a drastic situation in the aircraft, can regress to flying not the aircraft they are currently flying, but to do what they would do in a previously flown aircraft.

Stress can certainly include fatigue. In 1982, a Malaysian Airline System crew were flying an Airbus for Scandinavian Airlines. One would think that an Airbus is an Airbus … in this instance there were differences between the Malaysian Airbus and the Scandinavian Airbus. One of the differences was the ILS switches; the Malaysian Airbus had two positions, the Scandinavian Airbus had three positions.

This trip was extremely arduous, having four take-offs and landings. During the last landing, the first officer was having difficulty keeping the plane under control. The primary problem in this instance was that the first officer, in his moments of stress, had regressed to flying the Malaysian Airbus with the two positioned ILS, even though he was actively flying the Scandinavian Airbus with three positions.

The switches were similar, not exact. The more similar the item provoking interest or attention, the greater the chance of making a mistake.

Let me ask you …. What frustrating or difficult situations are you experiencing that causes you to exhibit regressive behavior?

Note: this thread will continue over the next several weeks.

Like many of you, I seem to have too many items on my ‘ to-do’ list [not my 'wish' list] and not enough time in my day. Foremost in my mind is the question “What is the best use of my time right now? What will give me the most value for my day?”

Well, today was an off-day …. I just didn’t have my usual energy to tackle what I needed to. I kept forcing myself to do what I had originally planned to do …. in the ‘grand order of importance’. I found myself merely going through the motions, with no enthusiasm or passion, just to say I did it. Frustrated at myself, I opted to do things that really weren’t on my list …. going through the mail, pruning the plants in my garden, sitting in the sunroom doing some light research.

Let me ask you, did I make the best use of my time?

I was recently co-facilitating a leadership class. The participants were first and second level managers with between one and twenty years of supervisory experience.

Our discussion gravitated towards what new hires were being told. Many of the new hirs are just out of college, or having only a few years in the workforce. In their orientation, the new hires are being told “You too will be a leader. We want and need you to be a leader in this company ….”

The new hires were excited to hear this. The leaders in my course agreed with wha the new hires were being told.

The difference was in the timeframe they ‘heard’. Those in the class would put at least a five year ’starting point’. Those new hires expected to be promoted to ‘leader status’ in only one or two years.

It isn’t what was said, it’s what they thought they heard.

If you’re like me, you write your daily to-do list either before you leave for the day [for the next day] or first thing in the morning. Mine is essentially a ‘brain dump’ … everything I can think of for what I want to accomplish that day. I know when my ‘peak brain’ times are [in the morning despite the fact that I am not a morning person ... just ask my husband!] and when my s-l-o-w times are [mid afternoon slump]. I figure I can do the no-brainer things in the afternoon.

Is this wise?

Is this list really my ‘to do’ list, or is it a list of tasks that I hope to accomplish, if my motivation is high for these items?

If I don’t get my most important tasks accomplished in the morning, how difficult is it for me to complete them in the afternoon, when my mind becomes a bit fuzzy?

How do you prioritize your to-do list, and what do you say to yourself when you compile it?

Picking up from where we left off in having those difficult conversations …

Chances are you don’t relish having this conversation. The other person’s defenses may be up, or they may be wary of your requesting the meeting.

Don’t apologize for having to say what you have to say. You are taking the action you are because it is in the best interest of the company or the department. Everyone needs to have a strong sense of teamwork for a high performance team.

Understanding the communications behavior of the other person will dictate if you will engage first in small talk or not. It is best to begin the conversation as quickly as possible. Watch the words you use … and your tone of voice.

Some people you can be very direct with, very business, little socializing. Others you need to ease into the subject, smile and pause more, and reassure the person that your relationship has not changed.

Remember it isn’t what you said, it’s what they think they heard.

A client and I were emailing back and forth about a challenge he was having with one of his employees. His frustration level was high, and he desperately needed a break. It was about four p.m., and he decided to get out of the office. His last email of the day to me went something like this: “I’m headed out for the day. I am taking the Harley out for a spin and a haircut.”

Now I haven’t seen his Harley, and quite frankly I’m afraid to ask him ‘where does your Harley have hair?’

It wasn’t what he said, it’s what I think I heard

Have you ever thought about the power of intention? And how it can have a sweeping effect on your current life?

You have to create the intention that you really want, not the intention that is driving you crazy. For when you focus on what you really want, obstacles melt away, your goal becomes crystal clear, and in an odd sense you get ‘tunnel vision’. Not the kind that blinds you from seeing all the risks and as a result you act irrationally. The type of vision that allows you to easily say ‘no’ to those tasks, favors, requests and actions that will not help you reach your goal.

What intentions are you bringing into your life?