What importance does your state of mind play in your communication interactions? Does it really make a difference if you are 100% focused on your conversation … on both sides of the conversation?

When we are preoccupied and have a conversation, we are less likely to be picking up on the cues the other person sends us when they are talking. Our responses are more likely to be tainted when are not fully engaged in our present conversation. Tainted either in a positive or negative way.

If you are preoccupied with something good that happened … you just made a big sale, or got a raise. How will that affect your concentration with others? Your attention span may be lessened, as you are still reveling in your success.

If you are preoccupied with something not good that happened …. You lost a big sale or you are feeling pressure from your boss. How will that affect your concentration with others? Your attention span may be lessened, and you also may be quicker to anger or irritability.

So what are you to do? How are you to leave these distractions out of your conversation, so you can keep your mind clear and make the right decision?  Contrary to popular belief, your brain cannot multi-task.  It is a physical and physiological impossibility. 

- Mentally leave the irritants outside the room that you are in. You can, in your mind, toss them in the trash or hang them on a hook or the doorknob.

- Take a few minutes and write down the situation and what you are feeling. Journaling is a great way to get things off your mind and to see things in a clearer light

- Postpone the meeting for another time, when you are able to think more clearly

As a leader, you are showing respect for your staff. As a team member, others will appreciate and thank you.

Especially in stressful times, it isn’t what you said, it’s what they think they heard.

Every action has two sides … one side faces the sun and the other faces darkness.

If you are facing the darkness, you remain in the past.  Being chained to the past keeps negative feelings churning ….. remorse, jealousy, revenge, guilt …. variations of three of your core emotions: sadness, fear, anger.  Keeping these emotions alive and gnawing at you sustains the cortisol running through your brain … this is the hormone that is released when your brain senses a “fight or flight”situation.  Cortisol was meant to be a short-term solution — kick the adrenaline in for about 30 minutes.  Unfortunately we tend to keep ourselves in these stress situations for longer than 30 minutes, and serious damage can occur.

When your actions face the sun … variations of happy emotions … you are better equipped to see all sides of situations and think creatively for solutions.  You can sense the mood of the other players, along with ‘the elephant in the room..’.  You are seen as a negotiator, a fair player, a leader.

Next time you think you see the darkness of your actions rushing towards you, turn 180 degrees, take a deep breath, count to ten and smile.

It’s not what you said, it’s what they think they heard.

Interesting article on Staring …. why you stare, who you stare at, what you can do to stop staring.

Staring … or peering intently at something or someone … is what part of your emotional brain does.  When the object, or person, you have focused on does not ‘match’ any image in your mind [think of NCIS running fingerprints through their databases], your rational mind does not say “Hey let’s check them out to see if they are friendly or not”.  Your emotional brain, specifically your amygdala, immediately puts your body into a ‘fight or flight’ mindset.  Think of prehistoric dinosaurs and cavemen.

So how do we conquer this eruption?  When you feel yourself becoming overly-emotional, that means your right brain is becoming overwhelmed.  Engage your left brain … do math calculations in your head.  Figure out the fastest route from your office to your home.  Analyze and strategize.  In doing so, your focus will be on the logical calculations and your creative, your emotional side, can relax.

Shari’s expertise lies in combining inter- and intra-personal communications with neuro-communications in an engaging way that makes it easy for you to increase morale and productivity.  Contact her to discuss how this can help you!

Think of your staff … each one uses a different thought process  when faced with a challenge. Some will look at the personal side and how it will affect the team, others look at the situation from a strictly-business perspective.  Which one, or combination of these, best reflects you? And your staff? Discuss this at your next staff meeting – who is:

I was talking with a coaching client recently about their department policy. He was following the policy, only to be told by his boss the President that “Our department policies are guidelines only. It is ok to deviate from the written policy.”

Think of the confusion this would cause! A policy such as “Travel expenses over $75 must be accompanied by receipts”. If this policy is only a guideline, then who determines how much you can expense without a receipt? And does it apply to everyone?

How about performance appraisals … let’s say department policy is to review performance appraisals quarterly. Your performance appraisal is an integral part of your raise and promotion. If you don’t meet your performance appraisal targets, do you get zinged on your raise? Or is that one of the department policies that is used as a guideline? If you miss your targets by, say, 10%, and someone else misses their targets by 15%. Are they treated the same when raise-time comes along? If that’s the case, why even set policies?

Are you consistent with your communications?

AMSTERDAM, Netherlands — A Dutch woman who was the oldest person in the world when she died at age 115 in 2005 appeared sharp right up to the end, joking that pickled herring was the secret to her longevity.

Scientists say that Henrikje van Andel-Schipper’s mind was probably as good as it seemed: a post-mortem analysis of her brain revealed few signs of Alzheimer’s or other diseases commonly associated with a decline in mental ability in old age…

Asked what advice she would give to people who want to live a long time, she once quipped: “Keep breathing.”

You have a long time to learn how to communicate effectively …. Begin now!

I love old movies … the dialog, the classic stories, the high acting quality. And I grew up on them, so they hold great childhood memories.

I was watching an episode of Night Gallery entitled “Make Me Laugh”. It’s the story of a has-been comic [Godfrey Cambridge] who, in a bar, meets up with a gentleman professing to be able to work miracles. Unfortunately, the miracle worker does not always give the wish-ee exactly what they want … he ‘misses’ so to speak.

The comic presses for his miracle. “I want to make people laugh” he demands. He gets his miracle. In fact, no matter what he says, and even when he only stands on stage, people laugh. And laugh hysterically. Of course this is not what the comic really wants … and he changes his miracle demand to “I want to touch people, I want to make them cry.” He then gets hit by a cab and indeed makes people cry.

The comic knew what he wanted, knew what he meant. The ‘miracle worker’ gave the comic exactly what he asked for.

Let me ask you, are you clear in your requests?

It isn’t what you said, it’s what they think they heard”

I was watching “Deal or No Deal” recently when the banker offered the female contestant $266,000 for her briefcase. To tempt her more, he offered to double the size of the offer if she would kiss a huge ugly frog. She had only two $1 million briefcases left [out of 10] and about six more briefcases to open.

My first thought was “Kiss a frog for $532 thousand dollars! That’s half a million dollars! DO IT!! I’d kiss a frog for over half a million dollars! Just close your eyes, crinkle up your nose, take a deep breath and pucker up. Kiss the darn frog!”

Then Howie repeated the offer “The banker will double the size of your offer if you kiss this frog.” Before I could shout “Kiss the frog!” again, I stopped and thought about what Howie had said. “The banker will double the size of the offer …” Hmmm …. good thing she was still pondering this question.

Let me ask you this …. did Howie mean the banker would offer $532,000 if the contestant kissed the frog? Or would the banker make the numbers in the offer twice their size?

It’s not what the banker said, it’s what we think we heard

Overheard in IFR Magazine’s “On the Air”

While flying practice approaches at Sioux City, Iowa I heard:

Tower: “Skylane XXX, cleared for the approach; caution, waterfall in the area.”

[a short silence, presumably while the Skylane pilot questioned passengers on the transmission]

Skylane: “XXX, say again?”

Tower: “Skylane XX cleared for the approach; caution, waterfall in the area.”

[again, a short silence]

Skylane: “Ah, cleared for the approach – but what do you mean by the waterfall caution?”

Tower: “Waterfall. You know, ducks and geese – water fowl.”

Remember it isn’t what you said, it’s what you think you heard.

You probably read the word ME in brown, but…….
when you look through “ME” you will see “YOU!” Do you need to look again?