Before you even get to the actual meeting, you have to ask the person to meet with you. So how do you do this? Asking for the meeting, yes ASKING, not telling, is as important as setting the ground rules for the meeting.

How do you ask for the meeting? Keep your voice tone friendly, and your words non-adversarial. Starting with “I was thinking we should talk about ….. because we both want …..”. Stressing that you are open to negotiation, and acknowledging that the ideal solution is bigger than both of you, stating the issue and what the outcome is you envision sets the tone for the meeting.

Ask, yes ASK, to meet in a neutral place – not your area and not theirs – and in a place where you can speak privately and freely.

Now in a perfect world, the other person would whole heartedly agree to meet and the meeting will go just as you envision. If, however, they balk and oppose this meeting, keep your positive and open stance. Recognize their objections and assure them that you have a new perspective, you understand their side, and stress the value of a conciliatory meeting.

Once the time, date and place for the meeting have been set, one final ‘point’ need to be raised and agreed upon. That ‘point’ is that you both will continue talking until the issue is resolved. A secondary point is that neither person will push for their solution alone.

If this sounds like negotiation, yes indeed it is. Emotional Intelligence is an integral part of negotiations, and of conflict resolution.

Is it about the credit, or about the outcome?

Remember, it isn’t what you said, it’s what they think they heard.

To continue this process, see my ‘Creating Structured Dialog’ blog posts.