I like the show Criminal Minds. It’s a drama about FBI profilers. This particular episode dealt with the abduction of a six year old boy. The mother told the FBI agents that she did not want to know what happened to the previous boys that had been abducted, she simply wanted to know how they were going to get her son back.

The dialogue between the agents and the parents went like this:

Agent: Was it normal for your son to walk to a friend’s house by himself?

Wife: What are you saying?

Agent: It’s just a question

Wife: [speaking very defensively] No it’s not. Do you think we had something to do with this?

Agent: [maintaining his calm, detached demeanor] No I don’t. If this was his routine, someone could have been watching him for some time now.

Husband: He had only done it a couple times …..

In times of crises, even the most well-meaning and innocent questions can be misconstrued and sound accusatory to the listener. The listener may immediately get defensive, stubborn and irritated while reading voice tones and underlying meanings into what they heard.  The emotional brain, the amygdala, would take over and, unless checked, could spiral out of control.

It’s not what you said, it’s what they think they heard.

Tags: amygdala, amygdala hijack, communication, conflict, Criminal Minds, defensive, emotional brain, emotional intelligence skills, emotional intelligence techniques, interpretation, listening, profiling, reactions, understanding

This entry was posted on Wednesday, October 7th, 2009 at 10:31 am and is filed under communication, emotional intelligence techniques, emotional intelligence techniques, human factors, intention, interpretation, listening. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.