I’m reading a great book about blame.  Blame is a big part of team dysfunctions and conflict.  Blame is part of the no-win situation, for blame has no constructive value.  Blame will simply fuel the conflict fire.  It is so easy to get wrapped up in this blame-game and finger-pointing, and the longer it continues, the greater the chance of saying something you regret — the amygdala hijack.

Back to the book … it talks about our patterns of behavior.  We know the definition of insanity: “Doing the same thing again and again and hoping for a different result”.  That can be applied to our reactions when we feel a conflict rising.  We revert back to those thoughts and actions we have previously used.  And we get sucked into those patterns.

When we identify patterns of our own behavior that give us unwanted results, we can then put ourselves back in control of our emotions and our actions.  That can stop us from trying to control the other person — wishing and wanting them to act differently.  They probably want the same from us.

So ….. what patterns put you in the midst of a heated conflict?

It’s not what you said, it’s what they think they heard.

Tags: amygdala, amygdala hijack, blame, blame game, communication, conflict resolution, EI, emotional intelligence techniques, listening, team dysfunction

This entry was posted on Monday, February 22nd, 2010 at 10:09 am and is filed under communication, emotional intelligence techniques, human factors, intention, interpretation. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.