Speaking of natural behavioral styles, the Washington Business Journal had an article about this very topic … why are more HR executives not at the executive table?

There are a variety of reasons; however one of the top set is because of the communication style of HR Executives. They are more ‘people people’ than CEO’s, who like to hear the end result first.

They [HR] want to find compromises and make everyone happy, a skill that is great in managing employees but not always the best in the competitive environment that often exists in a company’s upper ranks. Some get discouraged by the confrontational nature of the C-level table and give in to their desire to keep others happy rather than further their department’s stature. .. Many HR executives don’t know how to assemble and argue a solid case to demonstrate the value of their expenses. They need to be more forceful in demonstrating how those expenses generate returns…Although a good employee, [the former HR manager] was a tactical manager, doing the same things the same way they had always been done. After the period of rapid growth, there were too many people going in too many directions, with too many competing agendas. Straightening things out required a new, more strategic voice.

Generally speaking, C-level executives are more of the direct type … decisive, efficient, demanding.  When you communicate with them, there are two things you need to remember:

1. Talk in bullet points and
2. Tell them the result or the outcome first.

If they want more information, they will ask for it.  By doing this, you will gain their respect, which is a much higher compliment to them than if they said they liked you.

The author of this article is alluding to HR being a person that likes to engage with others …  people oriented, having fun, wanting to connect to others, not necessarily liking confrontation.

When executives see HR professionals back down in an effort to keep the peace, they feel that HR doesn’t have the sharp teeth to fight for change.

Depending on where they are in the behavioral arc, they may be more adapting than wanting to be in control. Or they may fluctuate between those two.

Being cognizant of how others communicate, and want to be communicated with, and taking the appropriate action, is a step in building high performance teams and increasing productivity.

A person’s perception is their reality … it isn’t what you said, it’s what they think they heard.

Interesting discussion I had recently in a Behavioral Leadership seminar:  does poor performance indicate bad behavior?

Is a person with bad behavior always a poor performer?  Does a poor performer always have bad behavior?

What constitutes ‘bad behavior’?  Is it questioning the status quo?  Is it bringing up things that may add time or money to a current project?  Is it consistently being late for meetings?  Is it not working as quickly as others?

Is a poor performer destined to be a poor performer in every position they hold?  Or could it be an instance of having that person in the wrong job?

I am a very outgoing, animated person [check out my videos on my website or on youtube to see].  One of my boss’ decided the best job for me in the company was to have my office at the very end of a hall, facing a storage room that was rarely used, and to do data entry work.  Needless to say, I was not performing at my best.  My boss would probably consider me a poor performer.  I was not very happy doing this job … so he would also consider some of my behavior ‘bad’.

One of the signs of a true leader is to understand what motivates your team, and what strengths they possess.  Three entities benefit when you use the talents and the passions of your team members: your team member because that shows you trust and value them and you are allowing them to grow … you because you are letting go of control and you are improving your own leadership skills …. the company because you both are doing what you are getting paid to do, and increasing the bottom line.

I challenge you .. if you see ‘bad behavior’ or ‘poor performance’, look past the person and seek other aspects of their life that could be contributing to what you see.

It’s not what they said, it’s what you think you heard.

We know that men and women think differently.  A recent study by Northwestern University in Chicago reports:

the best bosses are inspirational mentors who encourage their subordinates to develop their abilities and creatively change their organisations. This is referred to as a ‘transformational’ style of leadership – similar to the way in which good teachers manage their students and something that women do naturally. In contrast, men adopt a ‘transactional’ management style which is more likely to see them dole out punishments for poor performance and reward good behaviour.

The article goes on to say:

In fact, according to both studies, women are faced with a dichotomy: on one hand, if they act like a leader, using typically men characteristics and abandoning their typically female personality profile, they are perceived as being hard, but if they act like a woman, they are perceived as being inefficient, since typically male personality traits are considered more effective leadership characteristics.

Indeed there is a difference in leadership styles — women are not being paranoid when they think they are being called “bitches” or “wimps”.  Why is it we cannot look past the gender or appearance of our leaders and assess their effectiveness on what they have [or have not] accomplished?

Emotional intelligence transcends genders …. any person can and should exhibit good ‘people skills’ … understanding what your team members are experiencing — emotionally, mentally and physically — and acting accordingly, can raise their performance and productivity levels.

Could it be …. It isn’t what they said, it’s what we think we heard?

I’m reading a great book about blame.  Blame is a big part of team dysfunctions and conflict.  Blame is part of the no-win situation, for blame has no constructive value.  Blame will simply fuel the conflict fire.  It is so easy to get wrapped up in this blame-game and finger-pointing, and the longer it continues, the greater the chance of saying something you regret — the amygdala hijack.

Back to the book … it talks about our patterns of behavior.  We know the definition of insanity: “Doing the same thing again and again and hoping for a different result”.  That can be applied to our reactions when we feel a conflict rising.  We revert back to those thoughts and actions we have previously used.  And we get sucked into those patterns.

When we identify patterns of our own behavior that give us unwanted results, we can then put ourselves back in control of our emotions and our actions.  That can stop us from trying to control the other person — wishing and wanting them to act differently.  They probably want the same from us.

So ….. what patterns put you in the midst of a heated conflict?

It’s not what you said, it’s what they think they heard.

Shari will be giving a 75-minute breakout session at the First 2010 Cessna Pilot Center Conference to be held in Orlando.  The topic will be Emotional Intelligence and Flight Instruction.

This session is sponsored by Mountain State University’s Aviation Department.

It seems no matter what the economy is doing, keeping good employees is the #1 concern of executives.  The #1 reason those good employees leave is still bad managers, according to a recent article in the Atlanta Business Journal.

“Unhappiness with management” ranked far and above “not enough opportunities for advancement” and “no recognition”.  Far below these was ”salary dissatisfaction”.

Let me ask you … how much effort does it take to focus more on what your employees are dealing with, or what they need or want?  Can you afford to take some time to listen, really listen, to them?  How much does it cost you to give them accolades or specifically thank them?

The higher the level of emotional intelligence, the more likely staff members and employees will stay.  Knowing how your employees [and colleagues] see your handling of stressful and/or uncomfortable situations affects their interactions with you.  If you chastise and berate others, they are less likely to go out on a limb for you.

It’s not what you said, it’s what your staff thinks they heard

Do you know the purpose of the magician’s lovely assistant?  It’s usually a “she”, wearing a form-fitting outfit, showing a lot of leg …. you get the picture. Her primary purpose is to focus all of your attention on her, as she flashes her ‘pearly whites’ and uses her hands to show that the magician is what he appears to be.   She takes your focus and puts it where the magician wants it to be.  This way, you can be amazed at the ‘magic’ you have witnessed.

“She” is a reliable distraction.  She can be counted on to take your attention away from what you should be focusing on.

What reliable distractions do you have in your life? What reliable distractions do you use in your life to avoid unpleasantness? Clients have told me of theirs:  playing computer solitaire, reading ‘junk’ emails, making to-do lists, rearranging the paper stacks on their desk, talking to a colleague, taking the ‘long way’ to meet with a client or someone else in the company, dialing the phone and hanging up before it rings to do something that appears more important, getting something else to drink …..

Are you conscious of the distractions in your daily life?  And what are you doing about it?

Points to Ponder :

“Few minds wear out; more rust out” -Christian Nestell Bovee

How often do you exercise your brain? You may say you do it every day — after all, you think, analyze, ponder, assess, and imagine each and every day.

I respectfully disagree with you …. and let me ask you when is the last time that you:

• Painted, sculpted, played an instrument … that you don’t normally do?
• Moved items that are typically on your left side to your right, and worked with them on the ‘opposite’ side?
• Wrote with your opposite hand? And wrote more than your name to give an added challenge?
• Did a puzzle that you normally don’t … Sudoku, crossword, anagram, logic?
•  Learned words in a new language, or to a new song or poem?
• Built a model airplane, or create something out of Lego’s or PlayDoh?

These activities will engage either the right or the left side of your brain muscle and keep your thinking sharp and creative. An added benefit is releasing the ‘other’ side of your brain, giving it an opportunity to rest. Remember Effective Ways of Dealing with Overwhelm?

As with all new workout regimes, it may feel awkward or uncomfortable, and you may get frustrated and be tempted to quit. Don’t take yourself so seriously and keep at it … you might be amazed at your progress!

All previous Quick Communique, Points To Ponder are available on my website.  They are listed on the right side under the Newsletters tab. The left side has our library of complimentary Articles.  We’ll be adding more in the coming weeks, and we’ll let you know in this ‘block’. 

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I like the show Criminal Minds. It’s a drama about FBI profilers. This particular episode dealt with the abduction of a six year old boy. The mother told the FBI agents that she did not want to know what happened to the previous boys that had been abducted, she simply wanted to know how they were going to get her son back.

The dialogue between the agents and the parents went like this:

Agent: Was it normal for your son to walk to a friend’s house by himself?

Wife: What are you saying?

Agent: It’s just a question

Wife: [speaking very defensively] No it’s not. Do you think we had something to do with this?

Agent: [maintaining his calm, detached demeanor] No I don’t. If this was his routine, someone could have been watching him for some time now.

Husband: He had only done it a couple times …..

In times of crises, even the most well-meaning and innocent questions can be misconstrued and sound accusatory to the listener. The listener may immediately get defensive, stubborn and irritated while reading voice tones and underlying meanings into what they heard.  The emotional brain, the amygdala, would take over and, unless checked, could spiral out of control.

It’s not what you said, it’s what they think they heard.

Recently I attended a conference where we scheduled 10 minutes to talk with companies we wanted to do business with.  Imagine:  a cross between running-of-the-bulls and speed-dating!   When it was ‘your time’, you and about 100 of your closest friends were ’released’ into the room with the all-knowing companies.  Because you only have 10 minutes, and the conference personnel are fanatics about that, everyone bursts out of the side room, rushes to where their appointment company is sitting, and proceeds to talk non-stop for 10 minutes, hoping to either sell their products or services, or spark an interest.   

Out of the corner of my eye I witnessed this, firsthand, and watched the targeted company members roll their eyes and feign interest.  I thought “don’t those that are talking see the disinterest?  Doesn’t anything click in their minds that they are talking too much?”

How often do you simply barrel ahead with your own agenda .. not asking questions to pinpoint commonalities?  Do you assume that they know what you are talking about … or that they even have a need for your products or services?  Do you know if you interrupted something important and they would rather reschedule your conversation?

Awareness of the other person, and taking action suitable to that circumstance, is an integral part of emotional intelligence.  Not doing so demonstrates insincerity and selfishness.

How aware are you of your surroundings?