I was thinking back over the on-line assessments I’ve taken.  One was emotional intelligence .. and quite an interesting assessment … I find many of these to have some statements that can be interpreted several ways.  Here were my challenges:

I get bored with many activities and hobbies

Now does this mean that I get bored if I have many activities and hobbies underway simultaneously? Or I get bored with a large number of activities and hobbies; in other words, not many activities and hobbies can hold my attention? The ambiguous word here is ‘many’. What number constitutes ‘many’?

I use free time to learn things that might be useful in the future

Here the ambiguous word is not ‘might’, it’s ‘useful’. Useful for what? The future. That is a very broad word. I had someone tell me that in Stephen Covey’s 2 x 2 model [important / not important / urgent / not urgent] (more…)

“Confusion and ambiguity kills; clarity keeps us safe.” Anonymous

How many times have you given instructions only to have an outcome not at all what you thought it would be?  For instance, you are driving down the road and are told to “make a right at the third intersection”.  Sounds clear – except if (more…)

Think of the people you work with … how do their thought processes differ?  Do some quickly decide, while others need more information?  Do some look at the personal side and how it will affect the team, while others look at the situation from a strictly-business perspective? (more…)

My head is spinning … it’s like watching a tennis match.  The most recent attacks on general aviation [and flying private jets, many of which are not really 'jets'] has me very confused.  First  we hear that private airplanes are not necessary.  Then we hear that in the stimulus bill, Congress is pushing a hefty tax incentive to purchase the (more…)

One of my passions, and as luck would have it, most popular workshops is the one on communicating in the way that your listener needs to be communicated to. In other words, talk slower to those that talk slower, and speed up your speech when you are talking to a fast talker.

I was giving this seminar last week to an aviation department. We were talking about the different personality dimensions, how some people don’t mind if you get straight into your business. Other people need to be eased into the business discussion. That is important in gaining rapport and building respect.

One person from the back of the room spoke up “Shari, we run on tight deadlines and with a sense of urgency. We don’t have time to spend 5-10 minutes talking about someone’s family. We need to take immediate action!”  With that, he puffed out his chest and very proudly sat down.

“That’s true” I responded quietly, yet firmly “your industry and your situations are immediate and time cannot be wasted. There are different ways to say ‘drop the wheels’. You can say it harsh and with an edge to your voice, or you can say it with the same amount of urgency yet in a softer tone with no edge, and with a bit of a smile or a relaxed face. You are still stressing the urgency. You are simply getting the message across in the best way that your listener will hear it and take action. If you choose the first way with a person that is not aggressive, they may back off and become intimidated. That’s what you want to avoid.”

He presented an excellent example of where emotional intelligence can make or break a situation.  On one hand, you can display your negative emotions by irritatingly demand that the mechanic immediately work on what is important to you.  Or, realizing the the person you are talking to has priorities, feelings and a brain of his/her own, you can approach him more objectively and gain his buy-in of the urgency.

So let me ask you …. What did you say, and what did they think they heard?

With the massive thrust of technology putting our communication in a high-speed time warp:

“When you draw your own conclusions from a story or symbol,” Ingram said in his lecture, “you are engaged in the creation of the message, you are active in creating meaning. That affects commitment.”

Consider direct versus symbolic communication: direct missives — such as a mass email — are fast and clear, they create authority and allow little room for misunderstanding. However, they are not very powerful messages; the more people who receive the message, the less power the message contains. “Direct communication can be cheap talk,” said Prof. Ingram. “It doesn’t have much credibility.”

How often are you involved in the creation of the messages you receive and the meaning of those messages?  Are you drawing your own conclusions, or are you letting others interpret (more…)

Next time you need to have one of those dreaded conversations, remember that having a structured dialog helps you focus on the other person and enables you to more easily empathize with them. So what is this structured dialog? Let’s talk about Step 1 in this (more…)

In a recent Business Journal,  an HR consulting firm assures executives that their staff are not working harder, thankful they still have a paycheck. If telling your team members how much you appreciate them, how valuable they are to the company, and how you value their service is difficult for you, you may have problems. The good news [or the bad news, depending on your comfort zone] is that throwing money at your employees is not necessary to show your appreciation.  Positive feedback is at an all-time important high now. Thank them for their loyalty, for their dedication, for their “hanging in there”.  Thank them for taking on more work (more…)

Think of the last time you were in a meeting and you and your team were discussing your latest project. You needed to propel the team to continue as they have been, or to put forth more effort, or to get them to do what they really may not (more…)

Interesting discussion I had recently in a Behavioral Leadership seminar:  does poor performance indicate bad behavior? Is a person with bad behavior always a poor performer?  Does a poor performer always have bad behavior? What constitutes ‘bad behavior’?  Is it questioning the status quo?  Is (more…)