Speaking of natural behavioral styles, the Washington Business Journal had an article about this very topic … why are more HR executives not at the executive table?

There are a variety of reasons; however one of the top set is because of the communication style of HR Executives. They are more ‘people people’ than CEO’s, who like to hear the end result first.

They [HR] want to find compromises and make everyone happy, a skill that is great in managing employees but not always the best in the competitive environment that often exists in a company’s upper ranks. Some get discouraged by the confrontational nature of the C-level table and give in to their desire to keep others happy rather than further their department’s stature. .. Many HR executives don’t know how to assemble and argue a solid case to demonstrate the value of their expenses. They need to be more forceful in demonstrating how those expenses generate returns…Although a good employee, [the former HR manager] was a tactical manager, doing the same things the same way they had always been done. After the period of rapid growth, there were too many people going in too many directions, with too many competing agendas. Straightening things out required a new, more strategic voice.

Generally speaking, C-level executives are more of the direct type … decisive, efficient, demanding.  When you communicate with them, there are two things you need to remember:

1. Talk in bullet points and
2. Tell them the result or the outcome first.

If they want more information, they will ask for it.  By doing this, you will gain their respect, which is a much higher compliment to them than if they said they liked you.

The author of this article is alluding to HR being a person that likes to engage with others …  people oriented, having fun, wanting to connect to others, not necessarily liking confrontation.

When executives see HR professionals back down in an effort to keep the peace, they feel that HR doesn’t have the sharp teeth to fight for change.

Depending on where they are in the behavioral arc, they may be more adapting than wanting to be in control. Or they may fluctuate between those two.

Being cognizant of how others communicate, and want to be communicated with, and taking the appropriate action, is a step in building high performance teams and increasing productivity.

A person’s perception is their reality … it isn’t what you said, it’s what they think they heard.

When I fly, usually on Southwest Airlines, I know the seat I want … usually I am not a creature of habit, in this case I am.  Recently I flew back to Houston from Orlando and was sandwiched in between two monster children … you know the type: the ones where the parents are oblivious to their child’s actions.

Behind me, the imp felt it was perfectly acceptable to kick my seat, again and again.  He stood up and bumped my seat, he sat down and moved his legs like he was swimming — and his feet intersected with the back of my seat.  At one point [after suffering through this for about 30 minutes], I turned around and said to his mother “Would you please stop your son from kicking my seat?”.  She gave me a deer-in-the-headlights look and of course did nothing.

The little girl ahead of me decided that she was going to use her seat as a barrier – and she threw herself onto the seat several times.  At least this father believed he was her parent and scolded her, quietly of course, by telling her “There is someone in the seat behind you.”  She did quit, thank goodness.

How often do you think of the ripple effect of your actions?

• When you cut someone off in traffic – do you anger them and how long does it last for them?  Do you unknowingly create a near-accident – and what’s the effect on the other drivers?
• When you are late for a meeting, do you ask for a recap, or do you quietly sneak in and listen before you speak up?
• When you are talking on your cell phone in public, do you talk loud enough for everyone around you to hear?  And how does that impact them?
• Are you sincere when you tell people ‘thank you’, ‘I appreciate it’ or the traditional ‘have a nice day’?  Do you smile at them?

Being aware of the ripple effect of your actions, both in the positive and negative sense, is a key ingredient to increasing your emotional intelligence.  You may be quite surprised at what you discover!

How often do you make a decision based on an assumption?  You “paint with a broad stroke” instead of taking the time to investigate with an open mind?

If you were the recipient of an unfair decision, how would you feel?  Too often we are immersed in our own world and not realizing that the “others” we are dealing with have thoughts, feelings and motivations just like we do.

Interesting discussion I had recently in a Behavioral Leadership seminar:  does poor performance indicate bad behavior?

Is a person with bad behavior always a poor performer?  Does a poor performer always have bad behavior?

What constitutes ‘bad behavior’?  Is it questioning the status quo?  Is it bringing up things that may add time or money to a current project?  Is it consistently being late for meetings?  Is it not working as quickly as others?

Is a poor performer destined to be a poor performer in every position they hold?  Or could it be an instance of having that person in the wrong job?

I am a very outgoing, animated person [check out my videos on my website or on youtube to see].  One of my boss’ decided the best job for me in the company was to have my office at the very end of a hall, facing a storage room that was rarely used, and to do data entry work.  Needless to say, I was not performing at my best.  My boss would probably consider me a poor performer.  I was not very happy doing this job … so he would also consider some of my behavior ‘bad’.

One of the signs of a true leader is to understand what motivates your team, and what strengths they possess.  Three entities benefit when you use the talents and the passions of your team members: your team member because that shows you trust and value them and you are allowing them to grow … you because you are letting go of control and you are improving your own leadership skills …. the company because you both are doing what you are getting paid to do, and increasing the bottom line.

I challenge you .. if you see ‘bad behavior’ or ‘poor performance’, look past the person and seek other aspects of their life that could be contributing to what you see.

It’s not what they said, it’s what you think you heard.

My membership for a particular organization was due to expire.  I thanked them for their friendly reminder email, telling them I was not sure of the exact date that my membership would be up.  Their response was:

Our records show that a hard copy of a letter was sent to you on January 5, 2010  to inform you that you were to expire in 90 days.  It was never returned to us.

This immediately threw me back to my grade school days when I, in vain, tried to explain to the nuns why I could not understand the chapters in the textbook well enough to complete the homework assignment.  You know, the sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach that tells you indeed you are going to fail and to fail miserably, and getting chastised in front of the entire class.  Afterwards, the class would tease me mercilessly ….

Fast forward to today … if I read between the lines, did they [also] call me a liar?  Are they telling me that I did indeed receive their hardcopy letter?  Much like the nun telling me that I didn’t even try to understand the importance of some minor battle in the Civil War.

This is a great example of how email messages can be misconstrued, taken out of context and begin feelings of irritation and resentment.

Rationally I don’t believe the writer intended for her words to come across as harsh as they did.   I felt her index finger jab my chest.  I felt my defenses rise — I felt my credibility and my reputation being attacked.  My caveman brain wanted to take over and fight for my own self-esteem.  Luckily I took a deep breath and my rational mind took over.

It wasn’t what she wrote, it was what I thought I read.

I recently read an article from Knowledge @ Wharton that gave an interesting perspective:  It asks

Why doesn’t education focus on what humans can do better than the machines and instruments they create?

It goes on to say

Teaching enables the teacher to discover what one thinks about the subject being taught.  Schools are upside down:  Students should be teaching and faculty learning.

In their book, Turning Learning Right Side Up: Putting Education Back on Track, authors  Russell L. Ackhoff and Daniel Greenberg state that there are numerous ways to learn …. teaching, or lecturing, is only one of them.  Studies have shown that this is the least effective way for someone to learn … remember how boring it was to hear an instructor drone on and on and on … how much of that monologue did you actually remember?

Group discussions, provided they are brainstorming sessions, are great ways to remember theories and concepts.

The most effective way is to teach .. or ‘teach back’.  This is when you teach someone else, either in a formal or informal session, what you learned.  To be able to do that effectively does not require a high ability to teach or train … it requires  a desire to communicate more clearly.

Being aware of your communications, your perspective and what gets you defensive or impatient, and taking the steps to handle each of these appropriately, is one sign of high emotional intelligence.  And the makings of a great leader.

Let me ask you ….. what is your level of emotional intelligence?

NBAA Schedulers & Dispatchers Conference, San Antonio, TX

Winning the respect of chief pilots, directors of maintenance and others in your organization is crucial to your success, and possibly the success of your flight department – but your expertise only gets you so far! Using your personal power and influence, along with adapting your behavior patterns, can make you the “go to” person in your department. This session will cover techniques to recognize and anticipate communication patterns from others; you will practice persuading and negotiating with a structured checklist. You will develop skills to stop defensive attitudes and words, and heighten your awareness of signals that others send you. This session will enhance and develop your natural and learned skills.

When we disagree with someone, our initial instinct is to push, push harder, push louder, push push PUSH!!!!  The more resistance we encounter, the more we push, the more we stand firm, the more we believe our viewpoint is the right viewpoint and should be the only viewpoint.

I found this on Innovation Rainmakers

Using reverse psychology on contrary people generates the required response by using their natural tendency to resist.  Also, utilize contrary people to find flaws in a project idea to get a list of problems to solve.

How very true!  If we would switch our thinking and present an idea 180 degrees from what we were saying, from what we believe, the other person may spout out what we have been telling them.

We can get so wrapped up in the adrenaline rush in debating or arguing that we don’t realize what we are saying … we simply know that we disagree with the other person and will state the opposite.  Especially if you are a Type A person, or one that needs to be in control of situations.

So how do you handle the people that enjoy arguing or simply taking the opposite position?  First of all, take a few deep breaths.  That will get oxygen to your brain, allow the heated emotions to dissipate and give you a few moments to actually hear and process what they said.

I challenge you to then ask yourself two questions:  Is this topic worth a heated debate and possibly saying something you may regret?  And what questions can you ask them to justify their position and slow down their thought processes?

It isn’t what you said, it’s what they think they heard.

I saw this on the TNT television series “Raising the Bar” — it’s an interesting statement:

When a witness tells the jury that he’s absolutely sure, then the jurors often conclude that he’s absolutely right.  Certainty only proves certainty, not accuracy.

Their certainty only proves they are sure of what they remember, not necessarily what accurately happened.

Do you blindly accept someone’s certainty to the accuracy of the situation? Do you think through their logic?  Do you rephrase and paraphrase to insure your own clarity? Asking questions in a non-defensive way can shed light on someone’s thinking process.

What do you accept as correct, just because someone expresses it with confidence and an air of authority?

Many of the seminars I give deal with communication styles, emotional intelligence skills, leadership, listening  and building teams. In a recent seminar, the discussion was centered around whether you have a need to be in control or are you happy being more flexible.

One gentleman was vocal throughout each break that several years ago his assessment result was closer to the ‘in control’ highpoint than it is now.  Since he’s been moved to a job he doesn’t like and was stripped of his control, he’s more on the ‘flexible’ side.  

What I believe happened was that he responded to the questions how he thought he should answer, not necessarily how he is in everyday reality.   In doing that, he remained in control, at least in this area.

He changed his reality to match his perception. Yet his reality shone through.

It’s wasn’t what he said, it’s what I think I heard.