You have to create the intention that you really want, not the intention that is driving you crazy. For when you focus on what you really want, obstacles melt away, your goal becomes crystal clear, and in an odd sense you get ‘tunnel vision’. Not the kind that blinds you from seeing all the risks and as a result you act irrationally. The type of vision that allows you to easily say ‘no’ to those tasks, favors, requests and actions that will not help you reach your goal.

It’s even more imperative that you explore more deeply what you want —- including “the why” helps clarify and crystalize your intentions.  It has other benefits:

• works your mind to explore all consequences
• keeps your brainstorming abilities sharp
• helps you to focus on what you really want or need, exploring all options and alternatives
• can bring to light additional pitfalls or obstacles you have not thought of

This process will also help you face your fears, identify your negative feelings and allow you to capitalize on your positive emotions.

So many people come from a position of certainty.. when it’s really personal opinion, their perception of what they saw or heard. They can be sure.. but without accuracy or evidence..

A lot of conflict comes from unbending certainty – especially when one of the people know the logic is flawed or facts indicate something else.

When was the last time you looked past the words and thought through, for yourself, the accuracy of someone’s statement?  We can speak with authority on what we believe strongly in ….. and others may believe it is fact.  You may think “Well they were positively absolutely sure about what they were talking about.”

There are certain personality types that will always come across as strong and certain.  There are other types that come across as meek and flexible.  With the above logic, those people that are not forceful in their words are not accurate in their statements? Personality types play a major factor in the intensity of certainty and accuracy.

I have found that people will toss around statements – and they talk with authority – yet when asked “how do you know that?” they clam up.  Have we become so accustomed to talking without thinking – and more importantly – listening and accepting without challenging – that we are now a surface-thinking society?

Contact Shari for more information on this topic; she offers seminars to help you understand this topic more thoroughly.

It’s not what you said, it’s how you said it

…lessons would be a waste of money.”

In an episode of F Troop, Sgt. O’Rourke said this to the bugler H. Dobbs. You would then think that Dobbs played the bugle beautifully, thus not needing lessons.

In reality, Dobbs was an awful bugler. His ‘Reveille’, ‘Assembly’ and ‘Retreat’ sounded like off-key notes strung together, and he only occasionally played them well enough to be recognized.

How many times do we accept the ‘positive’ meaning of what we hear, oblivious to all the implications that are involved.  We hear what we want to hear, not what the other person wants to tell us.

Sure, we excuse our words by saying “We must be professional, we must be tactful, we must not hurt their feelings, we must be …….”.  Yet are we really sparing their feelings and looking out for their best interests?  More often, we simply want to extract ourselves from a sticky situation.  We don’t want to deal with our own emotions, and we surely don’t want to deal with theirs.

The proper thing to do is to acknowledge their attempts and, if it is really important, be honest with them – conscious of their emotions.  And keeping yours in check too.

It isn’t what he said, it’s what we think we heard.

]]> http://www.cornerstonestrategiesllc.com/2010/07/08/%e2%80%9cwith-the-talent-you%e2%80%99ve-got-%e2%80%a6/feed/ 1 http://www.cornerstonestrategiesllc.com/2010/06/21/%e2%80%a6but-my-hands-are-tied-%e2%80%a6/ http://www.cornerstonestrategiesllc.com/2010/06/21/%e2%80%a6but-my-hands-are-tied-%e2%80%a6/#comments Mon, 21 Jun 2010 14:49:41 +0000 admin http://cornerstonestrategiesllc.com/blog/?p=74 As a manager, you may not have a lot of influence over what your company can give in the way of incentives.  Options include sending a handwritten note to the employee’s home, giving special assignments as a reward to completing a project, buying your team member a cup of coffee

” … as a result of the strain, absenteeism and disability are on the rise. Presenteism too — that’s when folks show up but aren’t really engaged and giving it their best…in some cases they barely even give it anything at all. ”

I’m sure workers in the USA can relate and should be included in this.  As a leader or an executive …. how are you to handle this stress and ‘presenteism’? If ever a clear business case