Interesting discussion I had recently in a Behavioral Leadership seminar:  does poor performance indicate bad behavior?

Is a person with bad behavior always a poor performer?  Does a poor performer always have bad behavior?

What constitutes ‘bad behavior’?  Is it questioning the status quo?  Is it bringing up things that may add time or money to a current project?  Is it consistently being late for meetings?  Is it not working as quickly as others?

Is a poor performer destined to be a poor performer in every position they hold?  Or could it be an instance of having that person in the wrong job?

I am a very outgoing, animated person [check out my videos on my website or on youtube to see].  One of my boss’ decided the best job for me in the company was to have my office at the very end of a hall, facing a storage room that was rarely used, and to do data entry work.  Needless to say, I was not performing at my best.  My boss would probably consider me a poor performer.  I was not very happy doing this job … so he would also consider some of my behavior ‘bad’.

One of the signs of a true leader is to understand what motivates your team, and what strengths they possess.  Three entities benefit when you use the talents and the passions of your team members: your team member because that shows you trust and value them and you are allowing them to grow … you because you are letting go of control and you are improving your own leadership skills …. the company because you both are doing what you are getting paid to do, and increasing the bottom line.

I challenge you .. if you see ‘bad behavior’ or ‘poor performance’, look past the person and seek other aspects of their life that could be contributing to what you see.

It’s not what they said, it’s what you think you heard.

We know that men and women think differently.  A recent study by Northwestern University in Chicago reports:

the best bosses are inspirational mentors who encourage their subordinates to develop their abilities and creatively change their organisations. This is referred to as a ‘transformational’ style of leadership – similar to the way in which good teachers manage their students and something that women do naturally. In contrast, men adopt a ‘transactional’ management style which is more likely to see them dole out punishments for poor performance and reward good behaviour.

The article goes on to say:

In fact, according to both studies, women are faced with a dichotomy: on one hand, if they act like a leader, using typically men characteristics and abandoning their typically female personality profile, they are perceived as being hard, but if they act like a woman, they are perceived as being inefficient, since typically male personality traits are considered more effective leadership characteristics.

Indeed there is a difference in leadership styles — women are not being paranoid when they think they are being called “bitches” or “wimps”.  Why is it we cannot look past the gender or appearance of our leaders and assess their effectiveness on what they have [or have not] accomplished?

Emotional intelligence transcends genders …. any person can and should exhibit good ‘people skills’ … understanding what your team members are experiencing — emotionally, mentally and physically — and acting accordingly, can raise their performance and productivity levels.

Could it be …. It isn’t what they said, it’s what we think we heard?

Even when we think we know what we are saying, our words can still be ambiguous.  For instance:

When you yourself says the word ‘always’, what percentage of time does that event occur? Does ‘always’ occur 100% of the time?  Or does ‘always’ occur under 90% of the time?

When you yourself says the word ‘never’, what percentage of time does that event occur? Does ‘never’ occur 0% of the time?

I ask these questions, along with about a dozen other words, when I give my Behavioral Leadership or Communications seminars.  My survey shows that the average percentage of time ‘always’ occurs is 82% …. And the average percentage of time ‘never’ occurs is 18%!

Could this be a contributing factor to mis-communications?

It’s not what you said, it’s what they think they heard

In a rerun of the TV Reality Show Deal or No Deal episode, Howie told the contestant: The banker wants you to have your dream because his dream is to get you out of here.

Usually Howie tells the contestant that the banker wants the contestant to leave with the least amount of money. The banker usually does not mention anything positive about what the contestant wants or will leave with.

What dream does the banker think you want? Is your version of ‘your dream’ the same as the banker’s version of  ‘your dream’?  Is that a contradiction, or simply a benevolent banker?

Now on to your communication:  How many times do you say something, and really it’s only part of your thought process. You don’t “tell the why” of your statement. Others may not know your true intentions. Or the rationale behind your actions.

When we don’t make our thinking visible, we run the risk of our message being mis-interpreted.  Remember, even though you are with other people discussing the same issue, your statements can indeed be perceived erroneously.

Remember, it isn’t what you thought you said, it’s what they think they heard.

BC&A reports that the “Top Ten Threats Cited in EMS ASRA [NASA's Aviation Safety Reporting System] Reports:

Mission Preparation/Operational Pressure                    93%

Excessive Workload                                                      84%

Communication Difficulties                                            75%

. . .

Distractions                                                                  28%

Pilot                                                                              17%

Assume that EMS personnel are trained and are accustomed to working under stress.  75% of the time they consider communication difficulties a threat?  What does that mean for the rest of us that do not generally work under stress …. our stress experiences has peaks and valleys.

How many times in a typical day do we ‘visit’ the fight/flight/freeze arena?  And how long do we remain that prisoner?   When we sense that our unconscious reactions will overtake our conscious actions, we need to focus on the outcome we want, not escaping from the current situation.

How difficult is it for us to communicate clearly the first time?  And what are our consequences if we don’t.  And how do we know if our meaning and intention are clearly stated?  We can take cues from the other person/people, we can restate our communications several times in several different ways, we can ask them to repeat [not regurgitate] what you said … and you can ask for feedback.

It’s not what you said … it’s what they think they heard.

I saw this on the TNT television series “Raising the Bar” — it’s an interesting statement:

When a witness tells the jury that he’s absolutely sure, then the jurors often conclude that he’s absolutely right.  Certainty only proves certainty, not accuracy.

Their certainty only proves they are sure of what they remember, not necessarily what accurately happened.

Do you blindly accept someone’s certainty to the accuracy of the situation? Do you think through their logic?  Do you rephrase and paraphrase to insure your own clarity? Asking questions in a non-defensive way can shed light on someone’s thinking process.

What do you accept as correct, just because someone expresses it with confidence and an air of authority?

Mutual bad behaviors .. what else?

I was watching a recent episode of “Raising the Bar” .. this one was called “O! Say Can You Pee” about the behavior US Code states that one should stand with the hand over their heart when the US National Anthem is being played.

The judge was trying some out-of-the-box thinking to ease the court’s load.  What was the alternative?  An apology from the defense side to the prosecution side, and from the prosecution side to the defense side.

When someone wrongs us, or threatens us — even a perceived threat — we react.  In our reactions, we don’t think through our words, actions or behaviors.  Nor do we think through the consequences of these actions.  This is where we get ourselves into trouble.  Our emotional brain takes over and throws us into a ‘fight or flight’ situation.  When our middle brain, our emotional brain, perceives a threat, it reacts.  Pure and simple.

When you are unconscious of your motives, you react.

When you are conscious of your emotions, you respond.

By the way, by apologizing to each other, and adding their reasoning – making their thinking visible – they saw the world from the other person’s side and had a newfound appreciation for war, drinking, the United States Amendments and the National Anthem.

Communication is difficult enough without having to think through and explain absolutely everything we say.  In certain professions, however, vague communications can be disastrous or even deadly.  The solutions to many of our mistakes, or our friction, is quite simple — if you are unsure, ask questions and verify your information.

I ran across this recently in an aviation forum .. the names have been changed to protect the innocent and the guilty!

A pilot left the airport in Class B airspace with radar following.  He requested 12,500′.  He was cleared to climb to 4500′ and stay on his course.  He complied and continued over the airport.  ATC tells him “to resume own navigation”.  So he turns to his orignally stated direction and climbs to 12,500′.  WRONG!  ATC promptly and angrily questioned the pilot’s actions.  The pilot responded that he was doing what ATC told him to do. Or what he thought he heard ATC tell him.

He was in violation for “an unauthorized climb through Class B airspace.”

In your opinion, was the pilot mistaken?  Was the pilot to blame, or ATC?

It seems “resume own navigation” is the set of ambiguous words here.  Does ‘navigation’ include both vertical and horizontal?  And are both the pilots and ATC using the same definition?  Would restating the approved navigation by ATC have taken too long?

“Resume own navigation” sounds like the pilot is to continue with his intended, pre-stated path.  That’s what is sounds like to me.

It wasn’t what ATC said, it’s what the pilot thought he heard.

I had ‘frozen shoulder’ and am reminded of it when I travel.   I won’t check my suitcases, and can usually put it in the overhead bin by myself.  There are times, however, that I cannot raise my arm and have the strength to push it into the bin.   

Frozen shoulder is when “The tissues around the joint stiffen, scar tissue forms, and shoulder movements become difficult and painful.” [http://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/frozen-shoulder-topic-overview]

I went to an orthopedic specialist to satisfy my primary care physician. The specialist looked over my x-ray and, quite seriously, asked “How long have you had this?”

“Oh doctor!” I wailed, “FOREVER!!!”

Still very seriously he asked “How many years?”

“Oh” I replied rather sheepishly, “about two months”.

To me, two months with limited mobility in my left shoulder was forever. It hampered me when I travel by plane, when I get dressed and when I want to carry anything over my shoulder. It even affected me when I’m trying to sleep! In my mind, and in my reality, I had this ailment for ‘forever’. In the doctor’s mind, ‘forever’ was measured in years.

Let me ask you, how long is your ‘forever’? And is it the same as your listener’s ‘forever’?

NASA Ames Research Center reported that 70% of all ASRS reports were because of communication errors, and expectation error was the highest single cause.  Expectation error ranks amont the top human factor errors.

When squelching or another communication breakup occurs, the pilot completes the command with what he/she thinks the thought should be.  In nearly 70% of cases, the direction dealt with altitude.  Although there were no fatalities, there were serious repercussions.

How does this relate to your work environment?  How many times do you “fill in the blanks” when your attention turns elsewhere?  Your brain can only focus on one attention point at a time … only one!  In addition it pieces together slices of today’s reality to correlate it to a situation you have encountered in your past.

So when you are talking with a colleague, team member or direct report and your blackberry chimes that you have new emails or a new phone call, do you automatically and unconsciously tune the other person out?  And what important words are you missing when you do?

It’s not what they said, it’s what you think you heard.