The New Mexico Business Weekly had an interesting article. It stated that research has shown that knowing someone’s natural behavioral style how they act and react in situations will help you match them to the position that will keep them engaged. And we know what happens when employees are engaged: (more…)

Have you ever thought about the power of intention? And how it can have a sweeping effect on your current life?

You have to create the intention that you really want, not the intention that is driving you crazy. For when you focus on what you really want, obstacles melt away, your goal becomes crystal clear, and in an odd sense you get ‘tunnel vision’. Not the kind that blinds you from seeing all the risks and as a result you act irrationally. The type of vision that allows you to easily say ‘no’ to those tasks, favors, requests and actions that will not help you reach your goal.

It’s even more imperative that you explore more deeply what you want —- including “the why” helps clarify and crystalize your intentions.  It has other benefits:

• works your mind to explore all consequences
• keeps your brainstorming abilities sharp
• helps you to focus on what you really want or need, exploring all options and alternatives
• can bring to light additional pitfalls or obstacles you have not thought of

This process will also help you face your fears, identify your negative feelings and allow you to capitalize on your positive emotions. (more…)

From one of my Quick Communique: Points to Ponder newsletter:

So many people come from a position of certainty.. when it’s really personal opinion, their perception of what they saw or heard. They can be sure.. but without accuracy or evidence..

A lot of conflict comes from unbending certainty – especially when one of the people know the logic is flawed or facts indicate something else.

When was the last time you looked past the words and thought through, for yourself, the accuracy of someone’s statement?  We can speak with authority on what we believe strongly in ….. and others may believe it is fact.  You may think “Well they were positively absolutely sure about what they were talking about.”

There are certain personality types that will always come across as strong and certain.  There are other types that come across as meek and flexible.  With the above logic, those people that are not forceful in their words are not accurate in their statements? Personality types play a major factor in the intensity of certainty and accuracy.

I have found that people will toss around statements – and they talk with authority – yet when asked “how do you know that?” they clam up.  Have we become so accustomed to talking without thinking – and more importantly – listening and accepting without challenging – that we are now a surface-thinking society?

Contact Shari for more information on this topic; she offers seminars to help you understand this topic more thoroughly.

It’s not what you said, it’s how you said it

As a manager, you may not have a lot of influence over what your company can give in the way of incentives.  Options include sending a handwritten note to the employee’s home, giving special assignments as a reward to completing a project, buying your team member a cup of coffee (more…)

I gave a Supervisor and Communications seminar recently to first and second level supervisors.  One of the topics the President wanted me to discuss was “How do you let your direct reports, and others that are not your direct reports, know their jobs are important?” Instead of (more…)

What importance does your state of mind play in your communication interactions? Does it really make a difference if you are 100% focused on your conversation … on both sides of the conversation?

When we are preoccupied and have a conversation, we are less likely to be picking up on the cues the other person sends us when they are talking. Our responses are more likely to be tainted when are not fully engaged in our present conversation. Tainted either in a positive or negative way.

If you are preoccupied with something good that happened … you just made a big sale, or got a raise. How will that affect your concentration with others? Your attention span may be lessened, as you are still reveling in your success.

If you are preoccupied with something not good that happened …. You lost a big sale or you are feeling pressure from your boss. How will that affect your concentration with others? Your attention span may be lessened, and you also may be quicker to anger or irritability.

So what are you to do? How are you to leave these distractions out of your conversation, so you can keep your mind clear and make the right decision?  Contrary to popular belief, your brain cannot multi-task.  It is a physical and physiological impossibility.

- Mentally leave the irritants outside the room that you are in. You can, in your mind, toss them in the trash or hang them on a hook or the doorknob.

- Take a few minutes and write down the situation and what you are feeling. Journaling is a great way to get things off your mind and to see things in a clearer light

- Postpone the meeting for another time, when you are able to think more clearly

As a leader, you are showing respect for your staff. As a team member, others will appreciate and thank you.

Especially in stressful times, it isn’t what you said, it’s what they think they heard.

One of my passions, and as luck would have it, most popular workshops is the one on communicating in the way that your listener needs to be communicated to. In other words, talk slower to those that talk slower, and speed up your speech when you are talking to a fast talker.

I was giving this seminar last week to an aviation department. We were talking about the different personality dimensions, how some people don’t mind if you get straight into your business. Other people need to be eased into the business discussion. That is important in gaining rapport and building respect.

One person from the back of the room spoke up “Shari, we run on tight deadlines and with a sense of urgency. We don’t have time to spend 5-10 minutes talking about someone’s family. We need to take immediate action!”  With that, he puffed out his chest and very proudly sat down.

“That’s true” I responded quietly, yet firmly “your industry and your situations are immediate and time cannot be wasted. There are different ways to say ‘drop the wheels’. You can say it harsh and with an edge to your voice, or you can say it with the same amount of urgency yet in a softer tone with no edge, and with a bit of a smile or a relaxed face. You are still stressing the urgency. You are simply getting the message across in the best way that your listener will hear it and take action. If you choose the first way with a person that is not aggressive, they may back off and become intimidated. That’s what you want to avoid.”

He presented an excellent example of where emotional intelligence can make or break a situation.  On one hand, you can display your negative emotions by irritatingly demand that the mechanic immediately work on what is important to you.  Or, realizing the the person you are talking to has priorities, feelings and a brain of his/her own, you can approach him more objectively and gain his buy-in of the urgency.

So let me ask you …. What did you say, and what did they think they heard?

Next time you need to have one of those dreaded conversations, remember that having a structured dialog helps you focus on the other person and enables you to more easily empathize with them. So what is this structured dialog? Let’s talk about Step 1 in this (more…)

In one of my leadership seminars, a participant brought up the topic of Internal sabotage.  Quite interesting discussion ensured.  Let me ask you … does ‘internal sabotage’ mean internally to yourself?  Or does it mean internally to your team? This is another set of words that have (more…)

In a recent Business Journal,  an HR consulting firm assures executives that their staff are not working harder, thankful they still have a paycheck. If telling your team members how much you appreciate them, how valuable they are to the company, and how you value their service is difficult for you, you may have problems. The good news [or the bad news, depending on your comfort zone] is that throwing money at your employees is not necessary to show your appreciation.  Positive feedback is at an all-time important high now. Thank them for their loyalty, for their dedication, for their “hanging in there”.  Thank them for taking on more work (more…)