We know that men and women think differently.  A recent study by Northwestern University in Chicago reports:

the best bosses are inspirational mentors who encourage their subordinates to develop their abilities and creatively change their organisations. This is referred to as a ‘transformational’ style of leadership – similar to the way in which good teachers manage their students and something that women do naturally. In contrast, men adopt a ‘transactional’ management style which is more likely to see them dole out punishments for poor performance and reward good behaviour.

The article goes on to say:

In fact, according to both studies, women are faced with a dichotomy: on one hand, if they act like a leader, using typically men characteristics and abandoning their typically female personality profile, they are perceived as being hard, but if they act like a woman, they are perceived as being inefficient, since typically male personality traits are considered more effective leadership characteristics.

Indeed there is a difference in leadership styles — women are not being paranoid when they think they are being called “bitches” or “wimps”.  Why is it we cannot look past the gender or appearance of our leaders and assess their effectiveness on what they have [or have not] accomplished?

Emotional intelligence transcends genders …. any person can and should exhibit good ‘people skills’ … understanding what your team members are experiencing — emotionally, mentally and physically — and acting accordingly, can raise their performance and productivity levels.

Could it be …. It isn’t what they said, it’s what we think we heard?

Even when we think we know what we are saying, our words can still be ambiguous.  For instance:

When you yourself says the word ‘always’, what percentage of time does that event occur? Does ‘always’ occur 100% of the time?  Or does ‘always’ occur under 90% of the time?

When you yourself says the word ‘never’, what percentage of time does that event occur? Does ‘never’ occur 0% of the time?

I ask these questions, along with about a dozen other words, when I give my Behavioral Leadership or Communications seminars.  My survey shows that the average percentage of time ‘always’ occurs is 82% …. And the average percentage of time ‘never’ occurs is 18%!

Could this be a contributing factor to mis-communications?

It’s not what you said, it’s what they think they heard

I recently read an article from Knowledge @ Wharton that gave an interesting perspective:  It asks

Why doesn’t education focus on what humans can do better than the machines and instruments they create?

It goes on to say

Teaching enables the teacher to discover what one thinks about the subject being taught.  Schools are upside down:  Students should be teaching and faculty learning.

In their book, Turning Learning Right Side Up: Putting Education Back on Track, authors  Russell L. Ackhoff and Daniel Greenberg state that there are numerous ways to learn …. teaching, or lecturing, is only one of them.  Studies have shown that this is the least effective way for someone to learn … remember how boring it was to hear an instructor drone on and on and on … how much of that monologue did you actually remember?

Group discussions, provided they are brainstorming sessions, are great ways to remember theories and concepts.

The most effective way is to teach .. or ‘teach back’.  This is when you teach someone else, either in a formal or informal session, what you learned.  To be able to do that effectively does not require a high ability to teach or train … it requires  a desire to communicate more clearly.

Being aware of your communications, your perspective and what gets you defensive or impatient, and taking the steps to handle each of these appropriately, is one sign of high emotional intelligence.  And the makings of a great leader.

Let me ask you ….. what is your level of emotional intelligence?

One topic that comes up fairly regularly when my clients want to improve employee engagement and loyalty.  Teed to praise their staff.

These executives are surprised when I tell them that they do indeed need to tell their people that they were performing well and be specific on what they were doing.

“You mean to tell me that I have to tell them they are doing a good job when they are doing the job that I am paying them for?”  they usually ask incredulously.

This reminded me of one of the songs in Fiddler on the Roof, “Do You Love Me?” http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/fiddlerontheroof/doyouloveme.htm

Tevye asks his wife, Golde, if she loves him. Her response is:

Golde: Do I love you? /For twenty-five years I’ve washed your clothes / Cooked your meals, cleaned your house /Given you children, milked the cow /After twenty-five years, why talk about love right now? / I’m your wife

Tevye: I know… But do you love me?

Golde: Do I love him? /For twenty-five years I’ve lived with him /Fought him, starved with him /Twenty-five years my bed is his /If that’s not love, what is?

Tevye: Then you love me?

Golde: I suppose I do

Tevye: And I suppose I love you too

Both: It doesn’t change a thing/ But even so /After twenty-five years /It’s nice to know

So how does this relate to you? You may think people know how critical they are to the team, to the project, to the success of the company, to you personally and that they don’t need to be told. The truth is everyone needs to be told that they have value and what that value is.

Yes, emotionally intelligent leaders need to tell those people that report to them [when it is appropriate] that they are doing a job well.  Honest positive specific feedback never hurts!

It seems no matter what the economy is doing, keeping good employees is the #1 concern of executives.  The #1 reason those good employees leave is still bad managers, according to a recent article in the Atlanta Business Journal.

“Unhappiness with management” ranked far and above “not enough opportunities for advancement” and “no recognition”.  Far below these was ”salary dissatisfaction”.

Let me ask you … how much effort does it take to focus more on what your employees are dealing with, or what they need or want?  Can you afford to take some time to listen, really listen, to them?  How much does it cost you to give them accolades or specifically thank them?

The higher the level of emotional intelligence, the more likely staff members and employees will stay.  Knowing how your employees [and colleagues] see your handling of stressful and/or uncomfortable situations affects their interactions with you.  If you chastise and berate others, they are less likely to go out on a limb for you.

It’s not what you said, it’s what your staff thinks they heard

NBAA Schedulers & Dispatchers Conference, San Antonio, TX

Winning the respect of chief pilots, directors of maintenance and others in your organization is crucial to your success, and possibly the success of your flight department – but your expertise only gets you so far! Using your personal power and influence, along with adapting your behavior patterns, can make you the “go to” person in your department. This session will cover techniques to recognize and anticipate communication patterns from others; you will practice persuading and negotiating with a structured checklist. You will develop skills to stop defensive attitudes and words, and heighten your awareness of signals that others send you. This session will enhance and develop your natural and learned skills.

How Leaders Inspire, Influence & Achieve Results

It’s a fact of organizational life: to lead well you must communicate well, especially in the fast-paced results-oriented atmosphere of business aviation where time can be of the essence. Identifying your triggers and patterns, and objectively diagnosing your behaviors to resolve issues faster and serve your passengers in the smoothest way, both confirm your value to the organization. This course teaches communication styles to improve all business interactions and ways to build more efficient teams, make better decisions and ensure buy-in from all parties.

Contact NBAA for registration.

How many times do you hear what you want to hear, or understand someone else’s words from your own perspective?  In a leadership course I led, ‘trust’ was an interesting topic.  That is one of this company’s core values, and the discussion took an interesting turn. One participant shared his perspective:

If I say I trust you … that can mean I trust you [in a positive sense].  That can also mean that I trust you will do something negative … for instance if your MO is to look at situations from what will benefit you instead of the team or the company, I trust that you will always look at events that way.  So I trust you.

That is an interesting point of view …. not a negative or a positive statement, just a statement.

It isn’t what you said, it’s what we think we heard.

So here we are, about six weeks short of 2010. How have you done with your 2009 Resolutions, or the goals you have set for yourself this year? Or do you not set them because you lose interest in them?

What happened to that excitement about making positive changes in your life? About how you are going to lessen your stress, treat people better, smile more, exercise daily, walk your dog, eat less, save money …… Do you remember how you eagerly looked forward to starting, or continuing along this improvement path? Can you close your eyes and feel it?

How do you decide on what your goals will be … or what you want to achieve? Sometimes, as in some work environments, it is ‘dictated’ to us. Other times we can negotiate on specific elements. Still other times, it is totally up to ourselves on where we will be three, six, nine or twelve months from now. 

Write down not only your goals and milestones, and also the benefits of achieving them … how will that change your life … can also act as strong motivators when you feel your self-control wavering. Drawing pictures and clipping items from magazines to putting them on your vision board will keep you focused and incentive-ized to continue.

In other words, have you made your thinking visual?

Interesting article about teams and the NFL and how the team is not a business.  I disagree … and I think many of the points that are made do indeed apply to all types of teams: sports teams, business teams, virtual teams, volunteer teams, even [extended] family team.

Ignore the advice of the previous manager, this is your team.  As an adjunct faculty for Mountain State University, I have been getting the undergraduate Organizational Leadership students beginning in semester 3.  I have chosen not to ask the previous faculty about the students  … what would they tell me?  Either “everyone is great, they have really improved’ or petty differences the students have had between each other.  My leadership style is vastly different than other faculty, therefore the class interaction will be different.

Value the individual first, the team will come later.  With a new leader, each team member is uncertain of how and where they fit in.  In conjunction with the last item below, each person needs to feel valued and that their contributions are important.  As a result, there definitely is an “I” in team.

Determine the individual’s strengths for work.  I once had a manager that insisted I sit in an office, alone, at the end of a hall, with a storage room across from my office, and do data entry work.  He was not in tune with me enough to realize that my strength was in the inter-personal relationships, not in the mundane and routine data entry.  I didn’t last long at that job.

Expect strong performance from each team member.  Set clear expectations, make sure these expectations are clear to your team member.   Give them your support, be their mentor and sounding board, and hold them accountable to go above and beyond

None of this is rocket science – what is it is using your emotional intelligence and your perceptive listening skills to grow not only your team members’ abilitiles .. you’ll also be growing your own leadership skills!