I recently read an article from Knowledge @ Wharton that gave an interesting perspective:  It asks

Why doesn’t education focus on what humans can do better than the machines and instruments they create?

It goes on to say

Teaching enables the teacher to discover what one thinks about the subject being taught.  Schools are upside down:  Students should be teaching and faculty learning.

In their book, Turning Learning Right Side Up: Putting Education Back on Track, authors  Russell L. Ackhoff and Daniel Greenberg state that there are numerous ways to learn …. teaching, or lecturing, is only one of them.  Studies have shown that this is the least effective way for someone to learn … remember how boring it was to hear an instructor drone on and on and on … how much of that monologue did you actually remember?

Group discussions, provided they are brainstorming sessions, are great ways to remember theories and concepts.

The most effective way is to teach .. or ‘teach back’.  This is when you teach someone else, either in a formal or informal session, what you learned.  To be able to do that effectively does not require a high ability to teach or train … it requires  a desire to communicate more clearly.

Being aware of your communications, your perspective and what gets you defensive or impatient, and taking the steps to handle each of these appropriately, is one sign of high emotional intelligence.  And the makings of a great leader.

Let me ask you ….. what is your level of emotional intelligence?

One topic that comes up fairly regularly when my clients want to improve employee engagement and loyalty.  Teed to praise their staff.

These executives are surprised when I tell them that they do indeed need to tell their people that they were performing well and be specific on what they were doing.

“You mean to tell me that I have to tell them they are doing a good job when they are doing the job that I am paying them for?”  they usually ask incredulously.

This reminded me of one of the songs in Fiddler on the Roof, “Do You Love Me?” http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/fiddlerontheroof/doyouloveme.htm

Tevye asks his wife, Golde, if she loves him. Her response is:

Golde: Do I love you? /For twenty-five years I’ve washed your clothes / Cooked your meals, cleaned your house /Given you children, milked the cow /After twenty-five years, why talk about love right now? / I’m your wife

Tevye: I know… But do you love me?

Golde: Do I love him? /For twenty-five years I’ve lived with him /Fought him, starved with him /Twenty-five years my bed is his /If that’s not love, what is?

Tevye: Then you love me?

Golde: I suppose I do

Tevye: And I suppose I love you too

Both: It doesn’t change a thing/ But even so /After twenty-five years /It’s nice to know

So how does this relate to you? You may think people know how critical they are to the team, to the project, to the success of the company, to you personally and that they don’t need to be told. The truth is everyone needs to be told that they have value and what that value is.

Yes, emotionally intelligent leaders need to tell those people that report to them [when it is appropriate] that they are doing a job well.  Honest positive specific feedback never hurts!

It seems no matter what the economy is doing, keeping good employees is the #1 concern of executives.  The #1 reason those good employees leave is still bad managers, according to a recent article in the Atlanta Business Journal.

“Unhappiness with management” ranked far and above “not enough opportunities for advancement” and “no recognition”.  Far below these was ”salary dissatisfaction”.

Let me ask you … how much effort does it take to focus more on what your employees are dealing with, or what they need or want?  Can you afford to take some time to listen, really listen, to them?  How much does it cost you to give them accolades or specifically thank them?

The higher the level of emotional intelligence, the more likely staff members and employees will stay.  Knowing how your employees [and colleagues] see your handling of stressful and/or uncomfortable situations affects their interactions with you.  If you chastise and berate others, they are less likely to go out on a limb for you.

It’s not what you said, it’s what your staff thinks they heard

At a recent Leadership workshop I facilitated, we opened the session sharing our ‘lessons learned’. Three had to do with listening and 12 had to do with effective communication. Among the responses were “check for understanding”, “avoid being judgmental”, “quick and constructive feedback, “daily communication” and “management by walking around”.

What does this mean? Effective communication is at the root of leadership … both good and bad leadership. Communication must be two way, and consistent. By consistent I don’t mean consistently occasionally … consistently frequently. [Yes I know 'occasionally' and 'frequently' are equally ambiguous].

Ask questions of your staff questions like “How’s the project coming?” “Were you able to reach so-and-so?” and “Anything cropping up we didn’t count on?”. You can follow these questions up with probing questions to elicit more information, especially if you think there is something else they want to discuss.

Feedback would include thing such as “Good job on the report …. it had all the information I needed”, “Thanks for the timely email update” and “Your expertise is exactly what we need for this project”.

As a leader, being accessible and open to discussion, will garner you loyalty and a smoother, more efficient team.

Remember, it isn’t what you said, it’s what they think they heard.

I gave a Supervisor and Communications seminar on Saturday to first and second level supervisors.  One of the topics the President wanted me to discuss was “How do you let your direct reports, and others that are not your direct reports, know their jobs are important?”

Instead of preaching what I thought, I put them in groups and asked them to come up with ideas.  Each group came up with a variation of praise: thank them for completing an especially difficult task, appreciate their attention to details, tell them they did a good job for interacting with a customer, … the list goes on and on.

The best part about this is that praise costs absolutely no money!  It will cost you some time [yep about 60 seconds], and some brainpower to make it relevant to the person receiving the praise.

Make it clear, make it specific, make it real for them.  And reap the rewards.

It’s not what you said, it’s what they think they heard.